I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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