I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
