I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
