fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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