can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
