Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
