***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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