I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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