where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
