wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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