I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
