I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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