I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
