I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
