so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Boobs speak an international language.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
