At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
