In the future we'll all be gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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