i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
