I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
