Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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