is your mom at the bar?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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