do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
