I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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