Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
