Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
