I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
