i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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