Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
