I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
