I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
