Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
