Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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