Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
