Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
