If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
