I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
