It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
