"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
