well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
