I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
