meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
