I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
