is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
