Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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