sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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