we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
