News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have started to decorate penises.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
