yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
