I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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