Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
