I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
