I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
